Reevaluating Life

I never thought I'd say this, nor did I hope this would even happen, but here I am thinking about changing my major/the direction my life is taking me. Everyone told me "oh you might change your major anyway, so don't worry about it!" and I would always think, "well let's pray that doesn't happen, because I really don't have a back up!". But the day has come. I'm thinking about a new career path. I'm thinking about how these possible new career paths will effect my life and my future family's.

See to be honest, I've always questioned what I wanted to be. I never had a concrete idea. I've wanted to be an artist, a dancer, an ice skater, then some vague job that allowed me to help people (which got me thinking about possible ways to help people--one was become a volleyball coach for the Special Olympics. I'm pretty sure there's no such thing, which makes this even more embarrassing to admit haha), and finally speech therapist for kids. But I go to my Intro to Communication Disorders class twice a week and I honestly think, "what am I doing here?". I'm not interested or captivated by what's going on. And one day, it just hit me--maybe I don't want to be a speech therapist anymore. Then another thought hit me--shoot, what am I going to do now?

So for the past few days, I've kept thinking about possible occupations and the lifestyles of those occupations. So many pros and cons run through my head, which makes it even more stressful. One thought popped into my head though about what I could do. And to be honest, I can't shake the thought...it was never an option in my mind to do something I'm considering to do. But it may be a conflict to my future family...I'm still studying it out. Plus, I still need to pray about it.

But here are some things I know for certain. I want and will be a mother someday. I've known from a very young age just how important and wonderful motherhood can and could be (I think that was why I didn't really care about what I wanted to be...because I knew that being a mom is what I really wanted to be). I want to be the mom that's always there for her children. I want to be the mom that's always there for her son's football games or her daughter's ballet recital (sorry guys for the stereotyping, but you catch my drift). I want to be there to help my children with their homework, or be there when they're sick, or be there for family game night. I don't want to miss out on anything when my kids grow up. And I don't want to leave my husband with the responsibility of raising them...I have a special role in the home and I want to do it right.

On the flip side, there's always the possibility of something happening to my husband that might prevent him from working. So I have to come up with a possible occupation I could fall on. That's what makes this so difficult.

Well those are just my thoughts on this whole "changing careers" business. Wish I could have avoided it, but I will survive it. Hopefully sooner than later.  :]